Getting married is bigger than your high school graduation, getting your license and finishing university combined. It's one of those major events up there with birth and death except it's a choice.
I am getting married in about a week, and along with my entire life as I know it, my name is going to change. But the decision to become a VanLochem didn't come easy.
It's funny how life changes from that first date to the proposal. You never really know what's around the corner. It's clich茅 I know, but I am marrying my best friend. My fianc茅 left the name change decision up to me, declaring his love regardless of my last name.
I quickly discovered that the name change debate can be ruthless, grievous and that seemingly perfect solution, tough to find. The truth is there's a lot in a name. It is at its most basic level one's identity. Changing one's name in marriage can be, for many women, a daunting thing.
For many women - the name game is a non-issue. The Lucy Stone League, an organization named after a women who refused to take her husband's name in 1885, estimates about 90 per cent of women marrying today will take their husband's name.
While I decided to take my fianc茅's name, in my experience the "name change" is a hot topic with judgment running rampant on both side of the proverbial fence.
From one side of the fence, I've heard. "Oh - you are thinking of taking his last name? Say goodbye to your identity." From the other, "You aren't taking his name? Are you really ready to be married?"
Granted changing your name is not easy - from the new driver's license to credit cards and passport. Not to mention the professional considerations of a career built around a maiden name.
Call me old fashioned or a 1950s housewife, but I've decided to take the plunge. However the Kim Thompson byline may appear from time to time in magazines and award-winning novels. One can always dream right?
Don't get the wrong idea - I am not one of those bubbly brides practicing her signature in a silk notebook. This decision came with a lot of thought.
I considered hyphenation but with a name like Kimberly Ann Thompson, adding VanLochem takes me right off the page.
I've been told that changing my name will change my identity. I completely agree. I don't feel a pressing desire to prove to myself or anyone else that I won't change or compromise. Isn't flexibility a big part of marriage after all?
I am certain that bits of my identity will change but the core of who I am will remain relatively the same. No new name, white dress, ring on my finger or any other traditional convention is going to change that. For better or worse, I am who I am, and I'm pretty solid in my identity.
I think of my future offspring. If I don't change my last name, how am I connected to the future? Will the name Thompson be forgotten amongst the VanLochems and eventually become a secret password for bank accounts?
I have an aunt whose husband took her last name, but since Thompson is pretty common, I thought I would try VanLochem on for size.
